my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
