Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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