YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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