For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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