she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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