I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
