I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize