I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
