i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
