So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
