was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize