made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
