Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
