I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
