You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
