It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
