my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
