i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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