where am i from again
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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