I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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