i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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