he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We have so much sex to catch up on
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
