I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
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it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.