I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra