You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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