Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Life is so much better after having sex.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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