Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
