forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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