do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
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hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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