I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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