You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
