Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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