I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
