There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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