Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
