Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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