I understand Curling. That high.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
