I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
