Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize