i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
