Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
