i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
