If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
