i barfeds in our rink
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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