I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
