dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
