Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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