Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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