ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
