She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
