I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You were trust falling into bushes
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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