why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
