You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
