I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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