so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
