I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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