I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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