Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
