He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
