what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
