Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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