Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
