talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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