its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
