is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
