I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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