i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
zippers are such a cool invention
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
