think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
