Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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