I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize