I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize