I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
