I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
