Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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