Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
