Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
