i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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