Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
