what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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